Am I a narcissist, or do I have narcissistic tendencies? I guess I am not the right person to ask. Perhaps at times I have. I guess we all carry the potential for some character flaws. Our challenge is to manage and integrate them so that they do not interfere with our own, or other people’s lives.
What is narcissism? It is the desire for attention without merit. In other words, seeking attention from others without having earned that person’s attention. The reasons for that person giving you attention are all yours and not theirs.
Of course, there are varying degrees of narcissism, from very mild to extreme. At the mild end, it is the person pursuing a possible relationship who overdoes the calling and texting. At the other end, it is intense, relentless, abusive, and sometimes violent.
People who tend to live at the extreme end are most often victims of extreme childhood trauma. They have been at the effect of the carelessness, meanness or even cruelty of another or others. Without having been supported and cared for with competent therapy, their mind can be a wild place filled with rage, resentment, self-pity, and vengeance.
All of us have experienced difficulties in our lives. There have been times when the world was unjust, and we had to struggle to regain our centre. Sometimes present time events or circumstances can remind us of those events and trigger a response. If we are in good shape, we normally move through it, perhaps needing to apologize for the impact of our reactions.
Let’s Look at Attention:
I got to gain a deep understanding of attention during my years studying the Avatar® Course Materials created by Harry Palmer. I think Harry unlocked a lot of mysteries and gave the average person a clear pathway to a rare level of awareness and spiritual enlightenment.
If you’d like to explore Attention in more depth, there is an Attention Management Mini Course that is public domain and can be downloaded here.
The following ideas are my own and they do not reflect Harry Palmer’s views or the views of anyone else involved in The Avatar Course.
Attention is amazing. You can be looking at a painting and listening to music at the same time. You can hold a conversation whilst cooking a meal. We all have an incredible supply of attention. When it is flowing freely out into the world, we are fully experiencing life.
If the attention is laced with judgements though, particularly negative, or harsh judgements, it can make an environment unpleasant or even threatening. Most of the time our attention is filtered through our minds, picking up our fears, resistances, regrets, and a plethora of other potentially negative factors and projecting them out onto the world’s canvas.
Again, if we are in pretty good shape, this will be a minor influence and the more positive parts of us will be reflected back to us. When there is no judgement at all in our attention flow, we are probably going to be experiencing a deep level of curiosity or exhilarating awe.
Attention can be directed out into the world, or it can be directed into the mind. When you find yourself over thinking, you will realise that most of your attention is in your mind and not out in the world. Have you ever driven across town, and when you arrived, realise you have very little recollection of the journey. That happens when the majority of your attention is directed into the mind, thinking, worrying, imagining or ruminating.
But attention can also brought back under the control of your will and directed back into the world. There are exercises you can do to achieve this. Meditation is one.
What happens though if you have some dark places in your mind, dominated by trauma and flooded with resentment and vengeance? As you flow this out into the world you may well find ways to do to others the things that may have been done to you in the past, controlling them and filling them with feelings of shame and guilt. Your mind will find ways to do this.
Our outward flow of attention, with good intentions, is vital to our survival. We create experiences that sustain us and keep us growing and evolving. Consider how you feel after you have just given kind and loving attention to a total stranger.
If we cannot flow that positively charged attention out into the world, and most of our attention is locked way ruminating on the past in our minds, then we need to fill our vessels by demanding attention from others. We are stepping into the realm here of psychopaths and sociopaths.
Finding a Noble Cause
It is good to have a noble cause in life. It is not so good to use that cause to seek to dominate and punish others.
Many narcissistic types will adopt an emotive cause to claim a moral high ground they can then use to attack others. This is particularly prevalent in Environment, Transgender and Vaccination issues.
The Narcissist will climb on board, then predicate to the world what they should be doing, and then if someone pushes back, they are shamed with labels like “climate denier”, “anti-vaxxer” or “transphobe”.
Nobody likes to be shamed, especially Politicians.
I recall having a discussion with one of my sisters a few weeks back and she said to me, “You are not anti-trans are you?” I quickly and reactively pleaded my innocence on that score without even thinking about what I was doing. I was amazed at my reaction. I did not want that label.
And for the record, I am not anti-trans. I am anti “narcissistic activist” though.
I am amazed that these people are given so much airtime on television. But of course, their sheer presence stirs up emotions and drives ratings. I doubt they even care that the interest of the TV program is not genuine and that they are being used for the broadcaster’s financial gain. They have their platform.
But these people are mentally ill. A man cannot have a baby and a woman cannot have a penis. Biological fact. Even the people who preach these things know it is not true, but it is their tool that drives you to the edge of a cliff, forcing you to either succumb to their demands or plummet into the abyss of shame and ridicule for your inexcusable viewpoint.
But the power comes when Politicians shy away from standing their ground. The Politicians, the supposed “leaders” of our society, are allowing these things to run unchecked, for fear of being publicly shamed for being a climate denier, anti-vaxxer or transphobe.
To the trans activists out there I say this. “Having Rights means that you are left to live your life in peace. They do not include having everyone else hold you up as some sort of symbol of freedom and exult you and obey your every whim.
I will leave you in peace, but I am not going to change my speech, rationality. and common sense just to honor your preferred pronouns. If I see someone in the street attacking you, I will intervene to ensure your safety, as I would any other person. I do not dislike you but, I just don’t want to play your game.”
And I add into this, the environmental alarm activists.
“Nor am I going to roll over to your beseeching, place myself under your outrageous moralistic assertions of some sort of environmental Armageddon, and alter my life to what you think it should be.”
I am amazed when I see a person on TV who is clearly a man, even wearing a beard, with long hair, dressed in women’s clothes and wearing make-up, demanding to be recognised as a woman. The presence of the beard says everything, a blatant attempt to confuse and inflame. This is not the normal transgender person, private individuals who are seeking to find their way in the world. These are angry, resentment filled, narcissistic activists seeking to take revenge on any poor person who comes onto their radar.
The sad downside to this is that their activity is influencing confused kids. They have become destructive parasites in the impressionable minds of kids who are struggling to come to terms with the brutal world of social media, peer acceptance and an uncertain future.
And they are destroying women’s rights. Women are shamed if they object to a biological male turning up to compete in their sports or invading their bathrooms and changerooms. This is beyond outrageous, and cowardly citizens who fear reprisal, go along with it like it is some inconsequential matter.
So here is a pressure release for you.
If you are accused by another person as being a transphobe, a climate denier or an anti-vaxxer, you are being addressed by a narcissist. They are someone who has lost control of their own mind, have little or no moral compass, and have no right even being close to your universe, let alone in it. Send them blessings of compassion and move on. They are “mind snakes” and should be avoided.
You are much better than that.
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