Executives Stress - Another Perspective

Wellness and Your Moral Compass. Where do they meet?

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Back in the mid 60’s when I began my schooling, I struggled. I was a tall gentle kid who wasn’t quite ready to quit being around Mum all day. School involved a 30-minute bus ride from a pick-up spot down the road from our farm, into Toowoomba to a Convent School run by the Sisters’ of St. Joseph.

I remember feeling anxious, not knowing how to be, and not understanding bigger kids being mean. We lived on a farm, so the only other kids I knew were my cousins, and I loved being with them. Just getting on the bus in the morning and facing the teasing of older kids had me drawing upon all my courage to push through. I knew then, at the age of 5, that I had no options.

The anxiety had me sighing a lot, which led to mouth breathing, which became a habit. Asthma soon followed, which I battled till I learned to breathe correctly again when I was 42. So, I know what it means to feel stressed and anxious.

Throughout my life I have known stress. Typical visible causes were fear, financial concerns, disapproval from important people, like valued clients, and being challenged and potentially being caught out when I had done the wrong thing.

For example, I can remember the stressful feelings when writing a Tender to a timeline. I recall, all too well, the anxiety prior to going out to bat playing cricket or being on the starting line of a race. Fear of failure was a big player in these scenarios.

But these can be classified as positive stress. It is the adrenaline rush associated with putting everything on the line, perhaps fearing failure. Fear can sometimes drive us to do amazing things. Other times, it can be destructive.

Fight or Flight.

The human body has a powerful survival mechanism commonly known as “fight or flight”. When we find ourselves in danger, the mere decision that we are in danger triggers a host of almost instantaneous physiological responses. This stems from the early days of existence, a result of epigenetic conditioning.

For example. We happen across a Grizzly Bear in the woods. Instantly, our Adrenaline levels explode. The heart begins to beat quickly, and respiration rates rise. Arteries in the legs dilate and arteries in the upper limbs constrict. We are ready, within seconds, to send optimum volumes of oxygenated blood to our legs so that we may run for our lives.

Of course, common wisdom states that when you see a Grizzly Bear, you should stand perfectly still. But alas, this is a scenario constructed to express a point.

We run like hell (great Pink Floyd song). If we escape, we will have burned off all the adrenaline and there will be little or no lasting effect. A perfect system.

The Realm of the Ego

We all have egos. As Harry Palmer once wrote, “If it was not for someone’s ego, we would not have some of our greatest cultural treasures.” Consider the Sydney Harbor Bridge. In 1814, convict Francis Greenway proposed to the NSW Governor that a bridge should be built across Sydney Harbor that would "give an idea of strength and magnificence that would reflect credit and glory on the colony and the Mother Country". A vision of grandeur perhaps. Even though no action was taken, the idea was born, and the bridge opened in 1932.

It seems though, that egos follow a cycle. Perhaps they are spawned by an idea that triggers a motivational force. We strive for something and perhaps assume an alter ego of sorts as we step up to the plate to manifest our vision. Sometimes, when we get on a roll, the ego can become “a little too big for its boots”. When it gets to this place, it can transgress.

Transgressions are really anything that goes against one’s own moral code. It can involve being dishonest, attacking people, dominating others, undermining others, making unfair assumptions, taking advantage of others, being ungrateful, stealing ideas, taking unearned privileges, abusing trust, breaking agreements, and many other things. All are actions that are out of integrity.

Nobody is immune from this behavior. It is part of our journey to self-discovery and higher learning. None of it makes us a bad person, unless of course we persist in the name of self-interest.

If we are aware enough, we will realise our transgressions and clean them up. This may require some honest admissions, apologies, and the making of amends.

If not, then we find the ego solidifying into something quite ugly as it descends into justifications, excuses, blame and denial of responsibility. When this happens, we begin to separate from others and begin watching our back, suspicious of everything because we have something to hide. The fear of being found out, and the potential for humiliation can turn us into lying scoundrels as we bind ourselves to our own innocence and self-righteousness.

Egos are most destructive when they have power. We see it happen with Politicians who, when handed too much power, become despots. I am sure you can think of at least one. It happens too to corporate executives.

Where is the Stress Response?

As soon as we lose our integrity, we face a challenge. If we wish to hide it and travel down the denial path, as soon as someone wakes up to us and begins asking questions, it will be as if we came upon a Grizzly Bear. The fight or flight response kicks in as powerfully as it would in a situation of physical danger. In this case, the ego is facing extreme danger and possible death.

But in this case, we do not run for our life. We don’t burn off the adrenaline and we begin living in a permanent state of stress response.

I know this one well. I’ve been there many times. Hopefully age, wisdom and a lot of self-exploration will minimize the chances of me going back there. It is not a fun place to be.

In this state, the mind races through a variety of phases, from extreme justification, solutions seeking, rehearsal of explanations, and emergency maneuvers.

In these situations, the person may turn to alcohol or other substances to gain relief and to bring on sleep.

“A stupid man lays awake at night worrying about his problems. When he wakes, the problems are still there, and he is tired.” Viking Proverb

This stress arises from a compromising of our own moral code, and from our own dishonesty. The good part is that dishonesty can be cured with honesty. We may have to face a little bit of humiliation or some severe blow back, but we will survive.

We get a chance to repair the damage and start again. I guess this is the intention behind Confession in the Roman Catholic Religion.

Executive Stress.

Modern Commerce is a competitive and often non-compromising place. There are many forces at work, perhaps even more so in publicly listed companies.

Many strategies are employed to generate sales income, to manage and reduce costs, to keep customers happy, to gain the best from suppliers, to keep employees happy and inspired and, to manage the demands and interests of indirectly connected groups like shareholders, financiers, trade unions, law makers, authorities, and local communities.

What happens when these forces begin to collide? For example, the stock market might be demanding increased profits whilst the staff may be overdue for a bonus payment.

Or perhaps a new supplier appears with a highly competitive deal that undercuts a long-term trusted supplier with whom the company has enjoyed a smooth and harmonious relationship for a long time.

These are reasonably obvious challenges faced by a leader that offer an opportunity to act in a way that will please one party and hurt another. If the intention is to please the more powerful party for self-gain, the moral code will be compromised.

Money brings many temptations. Executive level salaries provide many lifestyle opportunities. Often the lure of an appearance of success can send the ego into the dizzying realms of self-aggrandizement, pretense, and a false illusion of personal status. A new house, expensive cars, a change of suburb and other adornments all backed by potentially crippling debt, and justified on the newly found earning potential, create extreme stress.

Where is the integrity issue here. We present to the world the illusion of success but the secret we hold is that we don’t own it. It’s all borrowed.

Smart people with a strong sense of who they really are will use their income to build wealth and create a stable financial foundation. They will be happy to live in humble dwellings and drive ordinary cars until they know they can easily afford an upgrade. They choose not to live on the edge of a financial cliff.

I heard recently that actor Christian Bale, who has a net worth of $US150m, drives a 2003 Toyota Tacoma. He apparently said he loves the car because it is completely reliable and never gives him a problem.

Financial wealth and corporate positions of power are situations that offer an executive the opportunity to lose focus and either step into a level of self-delusion or self-importance and make self-serving decisions. In these moments, they will impact other people and will either compromise their own moral code or behave in a way that may repulse good people they know.

Whilst the mind may hold a million justifications for the behavior, the heart always knows. And when the heart knows and the mind is in denial, anxiety will be the result.

Personal Relationships.

Often when a person is in a highly paid position of power, they find it difficult to meet both the demands of work and family. Because the work situation has the most power over them, they may begin to be dishonest with the family. They may break agreements.

If these situations are not owned and remedied, they can spiral out of control. Soon, they can no longer connect sincerely with their family and begin to wade into deeper and more mirky waters.

Broken agreements, hidden agendas, transgressions, and secrets can create such an intense fear of being found out, that stress becomes the norm, burning like a subterranean volcano, ready to erupt and scorch the soul.

The sad part is that the more the ego gets away with, the more it thinks it can get away with. This can lead to affairs, drug taking and other hedonistic pursuits. The more sordid and serious things get, the harder it is to become honest.

Burnout

Where does Burnout fit into this equation? Back in the summer of 1979-80, I decided  that I was going to have a “huge” off-season to get fitter than I had been before for Football. I was running out of time to make it in the professional leagues. This is what my life looked like.

I was studying full time as a Physical Education Student and working 20 hours per week in a gym. As part of my work, I was teaching about 10 Aerobics classes per week. Plus I was doing 3 track running sessions per week, each involving up to 20 x 400m, 30 x 200m or 40 x 100m. I was doing four intense weight training sessions per week. I was also doing a couple of football skills sessions per week. Plus, I swam at least 2km in the pool, 3 times per week. My body fat dropped below 3 percent.

By the time the practice matches came around at the start of the season, my legs were dead. I could not escape the terrible fatigue I felt and had to stop training completely for two weeks to recover. I still look back over that time and am amazed at how I did it. I didn’t miss a single session.

But the bottom line is, I literally cooked myself. I was burned out.

I was running on an external motivation of personal recognition and glory, high achievement, and the thrill of being a star footballer. The attitude stopped me from recognizing what I did achieve as an amateur footballer, and I walked away from the game I loved when I was 24. It took me years to look back and realise that I was ranked in the top 22 Amateur Footballers in Australia, from seven state and territory competitions boasting tens of thousands of players.

During those times I was completely out of integrity with myself. I failed basic self-care.

Similar things happen with executives who drive themselves to a high level of achievement. Perhaps the motivational force is competition with peers, or an intense desire for approval, or a brutal quest for perfection, or a deep fear of disapproval. All have one thing in common – a complete neglect of personal care.

There are many moments when we intuitively know, but that motivational force has us push the boundary a little more. Inflexible in our thinking, we risk everything on a relentless quest for some imagined nirvana.

Self-Loathing

When these behaviors get out of control, a person cannot possibly like who they are becoming. They have certainly diverted far away from the visions they may have imagined themselves becoming at an earlier time. First, they dislike themselves. Then the self-loathing begins. Depression is not far away. For some, at this point, suicide becomes a fantasy escape.

The Solution.

For executives who wish to live a deeply honorable life and to avoid the stresses described above, there is an answer. It is important to engage in a spiritual practice. And I do not mean becoming religious, although for some, humble religious practice works well.

It is important to have a way of managing your mind and allowing your heart to rule the day. Your moral code lives in your heart and it always knows. You cannot fool it.

I suggest that part of the challenge with modern society is that many people have avoided the path to developing a strong moral code. Without a strong sense of personal morality, we have no choice but to live in the pretense of being a moral person. This is just another manifestation of the ego.

But it is never too late to start. Find a good mentor and get to work.

Meditation is a helpful spiritual practice, but it must be practiced daily. And it should be done under the guidance of a wise teacher.

“You should sit in meditation for 30 minutes every day. Unless you do not have time. Then you should sit for 60 minutes.” Zen Buddhist Proverb

Back in 2005 I entered an Avatar Course®. Avatar is a 9 day experiential program using a variety of exercises and techniques to explore and integrate your consciousness.

If you had asked me the question, “John, are you an honest man?”, before the course, I would have answered with a deeply earnest, “Yes I am!”

Well, I got to realise how profoundly dishonest I actually was, especially with myself. I got to realise how big and out-of-control my ego was. There was some humiliation, a bit of sadness and then a lot of laughing as my guides refused to allow me to take myself too seriously.

I went on to complete all the advanced training and then delivered courses as part of a team for several years. Every year I did 3 integrity courses, and each time I got to uncover more and more subtle areas of self-deception, hidden agendas, transgressions, and justifications. It is amazing how much we lose control of our minds.

I no longer teach the course, but I continue to do the integrity work. It is vital to my peace of mind and happiness. It is part of my spiritual practice.

If you wish to dive into this topic a little deeper, I recommend the Avatar Personal Integrity Mini Course from Harry Palmer. It is brilliant and it is free.

Finally, remember you are a human being. As the Lakota Sioux Indians would say when someone did the wrong thing. “You are who you are. You are not what you have done.”

If you feel you are in a bit of a bind and have been engaging in things that have you feeling a little trapped, feel free to reach out. I am always open for a chat. Remember, you are not a bad person. You’ve just veered off your path.

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